An Approach to Partnering with Grandparents

“Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting” – Author Unknown

Grandparents are profoundly important in the lives of children. With both parents working in many families, grandparents now living longer and often well into a grandchild’s adult years, divorce rates hovering near 50 percent, and the increasing number of environmental and family stressors, grandparents help to provide support, stability, and child care to young families.

Parents and grandparents typically have the same overall goals for the children. They want to raise well-balanced, polite, fun- loving, and healthy kids.  But many grandparents also pride themselves on their ability to spoil the grandkids, oftentimes with not-so-healthy food. This can have lasting consequences.  In fact, one study of 12,000 preschoolers found that young kids cared for by a grandparent were more likely to be overweight than kids care for by a parent or who attended formal daycare.

When parents and grandparents are on the same page with approaches to taking care of the kids, then there’s generally not too much to worry about and visits go well. However, when parents and grandparents disagree, there can be major conflicts.  While grandparents may have an entirely different philosophy than the parents on the best way to make this happen, if both work together, the children’s health (as well as everyone’s overall sanity) will benefit.   Consider sitting down with your child’s grandparents to share your concerns and explore how to best resolve differences.

• Identify your motivations. First explain to your parents or in-laws your major motivations and goals. For example, share with the grandparents that your goal is to raise physically active children who are familiar with a wide variety of healthy foods; who use hunger to guide their intake; and who have a healthy relationship with food.

• Share a few basic and simple “guidelines”.  Share with the grandparents the major principles you would like to follow to meet your goals. For example, you could describe how you try to avoid using food as a reward; do not require “cleaning the plate”; rarely store unhealthy foods in the home (though they are not off limits); and limit TV and other electronic media to two hours or less per day.

• Serve as a role model. Let the grandparents watch you follow your guidelines and witness how your child’s overall nutrition and fitness status transforms. (Remember, it takes consistent application and time for the transformation to occur so the grandparents may also witness some of the bumps along the way.) 

• Communicate. Keep the dialogue open. Encourage your parents and in-laws to explore and share their concerns with you.  

• Make it up with physical activity.  Kids love to run around, be active, and play about as much as they love to go out for ice cream and pick up an occasional fast food dinner. If you’re concerned that the calorie intake is excessive when spending time with your parents, then rather than forcing the kids or parents to cut out all junk food, you can support them in creating opportunities to be active and subsequently burn off energy and a lot of those extra calories. 

• Expect some spoiling is going on.  If grandparents were given a job description, they would demand that spoiling be a part of it. Many grandparents take great pleasure and joy from spoiling their grandkids. Expect that some spoiling is going on, and choose your battles wisely. 

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Natalie Digate Muth, MD, MPH, RD is a community pediatrician, registered dietitian, and spokesperson for the American Council on Exercise widely recognized for her expertise in childhood obesity, nutrition, and fitness.  The above information is from her book “Eat Your Vegetables! and Other Mistakes Parents Make: Redefining How to Raise Healthy Eaters.”  You can learn more about her book and other important children’s health information by visiting her website www.drnataliemuth.com.